last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
