He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
