Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
