why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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