Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
