He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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