I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize