Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've blown a few things in my day
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
