She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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