You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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