If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
