I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
