is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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