i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
