Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
