a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
