was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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