ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
