I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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