This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize