I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
