Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
