The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my shit smells like andre
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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