how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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