ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
