i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
