Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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