remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
