the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.