I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.