maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....