i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT