Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?