if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize