I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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