So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
