He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
