She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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