True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?