but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder