My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high