Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.