i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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