my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
