youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.