I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.