so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.