fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon