k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
