If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
