I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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