I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
