If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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