6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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