direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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