my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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