So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
