Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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