She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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