Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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