what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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